The 3 G’s of being a lover girl.

It was my husband’s birthday a few days ago, and of course, I pulled out all the stops, until my sister gave me the title “Lover Girl per excellence” 😅. I humbly accept that title. Being a lover girl to an amazing man who is so intentional about loving you selflessly and sacrificially is pretty easy. But that is not why we’re here today. Today, I simply want to share a few tips I believe has helped us stay so in love these couple of years.

1. Guidance

I’m not just a Christian by religion, I’m one by practice. A few years ago, I was talking to the Holy Spirit about my husband and sharing a concern. And He told me “buy him books”. I’ve always been an avid reader and while my husband is a prolific reader too, he reads more academically inclined materials while I read spiritual and inspirational. So I knew what that instruction meant.

And today, I believe that was a major turning point in our relationship. Because through those books, my husband became an educated lover, living out truths I wasn’t in a position to teach him.

Knowledge fuels love, but not just any knowledge, a man must learn the specific ways to love his woman, while a woman must learn the meaningful ways to love her husband. It goes way beyond feelings. When you become an educated lover, the feelings of love that result are mind blowing, case in point – us!

If you got married to someone you were initially in love with and now you find things going down, go for knowledge. More often than not, the loving feelings are still there, buried under a truckload of ignorant mistreatment of each other. There is a world of difference between an emotional lover and an educated, enlightened lover. Knowledge fuels feelings, don’t forget that.

2. Gratitude

This also is by divine inspiration. I wrote a blog post a few years ago about noticing my husband and expressing my admiration for him. I believe this to be another major building block of our ever increasing affection for each other.

From that time of “I like how you..”, we have been growing in thoughtfulness and finding little meaningful ways to express gratitude and admiration for each other. I realized how much me proactively meeting his needs meant to him. So when I make a shopping list, I’m thinking “does my husband need anything specifically for him?” It might be a pack of socks today or shorts or just shortbread, he loves those, lol. And in return, I often get flowers on no occasion (which I absolutely love) or some other small but thoughtful gift etc.

As simple as this , intentionality in expressing admiration and appreciation both verbally and non verbally does wonder for a relationship. Notice your spouse, notice their every little contribution, don’t assume “it’s his/her duty”. Notice it and appreciate it.

3. Grace

Like every other couple, we do disagree, disappoint and hurt each other’s feelings. It is indeed human to err, but reconciliation is a priority always. We never let things fester or deteriorate. I take that scripture to heart “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God” Mathew 5: 9. I seek peace and I pursue it intentionally. No one is keeping score of who will be the first to bring up an obvious issue. If I’m the one who noticed it and it’s obviously bothering me the most, then I bring it up, that’s plain maturity. I wasn’t always like this though, but I’m glad I’m maturing in my conflict resolution skills.

Make it a habit to continually extend grace to each other. Your spouse will often offend you, but there can be no relationship without repentance and reconciliation. The offender must repent : apologize and do not repeat the same mistakes. And the offended must leave room for reconciliation.

What do you do however when you’re with someone who won’t even acknowledge fault not to mention repent? Don’t simply wait for them to change, initiate counseling. It could be in form of a book or a person to talk to. Let your spouse know “this marriage is important to me as I’m sure it is to you, I do not want us to live like mere housemates because we can’t resolve our differences, please let us seek counsel”.

Don’t make this request without being prayerful as well. Some may initially be opposed to counseling but as you pray, God will soften their heart and guide you both to the right person.

The point is this : never just leave your relationship to time, thinking time will fix it. Time fixes nothing, it is the effort, however little, invested in time that makes a difference with time.

Did this bless you? Let me know in the comments.

With Christ’s exotic love,

Mrs Omoghene