Many of us have experienced the emotional turmoil of loving someone who didn’t love you back or in the same way. It always feels like you’re forcing things/giving more/bearing the emotional weight of the relationship. It shouldn’t be.
God didn’t design you to beg for love. Before Eve came on the scene, Adam had been made aware of his need, gone through a few wrong options, was ready to be committed. And he pronounced her immediately – bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. No guesswork/ trial &error. God designed you for committed love.
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If you don’t know the warning signs that a guy isn’t ready to be committed, you will:
1. Suffer emotionally: and this is a real pain which is worse than a breakup because with a breakup, you hurt, then heal. With inconsistency, you hurt, heal, hurt, heal ,hurt etc. The relationship is neither here nor there, like God you should spew it out. Rev 3:16.
2. Be too distracted to pursue purpose. Prov 4:23. When you’re hurting, you can’t focus. And this affects your commitment and creativity. When you feel settled in love or in God as a single person, you have clarity, singleness of purpose to run and achieve all that God has planned for you.
3. Miss out on opportunities to find true love. While you stay stuck with someone who isn’t acting like they’re sure it’s you, you’d miss out on the one who only wants you. And time is the currency of life. You have to invest time to achieve the desired outcomes of your life – love, fulfillment, success etc.
If time is a currency, then seasons are the denominations. What you can spend $20 on is different from what you spend $100 on. Where am I going with this? Your youth – 20’s is the season to invest in knowledge in order to find true partnership, someone to spend the rest of your life with in order to get double returns. When you misuse it because of inadequate knowledge, you miss out, and may face challenges later finding the right one later in life. I have seen quite a number of people in their 30’s trying to fix the consequences of the relationship mistakes they made in their 20’s. It’s not pretty.
But there is always hope. Whether you are in your 20’s or 30’s, the Relationship Mentoring Program is open for you to access the knowledge that will equip you to thrive as a single person (not just merely getting by) and also position you for the lasting love you desire. Check out the details here.
Here are the signs a guy is not really into you:
1. He is not fully emotionally invested.
He gives you just enough to keep you. You hear lots of excuses, excuses, excuses. The relationship is one sided or very selfish. He wants you when he wants you but is not willing to be there when you want or need him. He claims to be busy.
To be Busy means to be actively engaged in work, or to have a lot to do. First of all, absolutely no one is actively engaged in work every minute of every hour of every day! God, the creator of work, the first worker that ever existed, worked on the creation project for 6 days and took a day off on the 7th day, but He still paused daily to reflect on His work and see that it was good. Genesis 1:3-31
If someone is truly busy, that is have a lot to do e.g an entrepreneur, a parent juggling several responsibilities etc, their partner will be the first to know without being told categorically “I’m busy” why, because they will running all the busyness by you. Plans, projections, processes etc., you will know and you won’t feel it.
Man was made to connect, no one, absolutely no one is too busy to desire connection, it’s an innate need. So if he is not seeking to connect with you, he’s not too busy for connection, it’s just not you he wants to connect with.
2. He gaslights you when you lovingly talk about not getting enough or being unsure.
It’s your fault, you’re not understanding enough about the phase he’s in, you’re not patient etc. This person never seeks to consider your perspective and your experience of the relationship when you share your feelings, they are always quick to defend or excuse themselves from the obligation of the commitment they have made to you. Instead of an “I’m sorry”, you get “defensive statements or accusatory statements” that makes you question the reality.
Before I go further, let me share these cautions (because some women do overdo it or are indeed too needy/insecure):
Of course you shouldn’t expect a boyfriend to anticipate your needs or know what matters to you without you having ever communicated such, but you should expect to be taken seriously when you do communicate those needs/desires.
Of course you shouldn’t expect anyone to check in with you hourly, but it is very reasonable to expect someone you’re in a relationship with to check in daily at the very minimum.
You shouldn’t also need reassurance all the time, it signifies a lack of wholeness or lack of a sense of purpose. However, it’s a different thing when it’s their neglect or lack of affirmation or bad behavior that makes you feel unsure.
An emotionally whole individual is able to receive love because she is confident she is lovable (this is gotten from God, upbringing, purpose & fulfillment), she is not seeking from a marriage relationship the confidence that she is lovable.
Therefore, if you want to know whether it’s you asking too much or it’s him not giving enough , check your desperation.
When you are confident that you are lovable, you just wait to receive the love, you expect to be treated right. If it’s not coming the way you want, you casually bring that up, if the person still doesn’t measure up, you respectfully remove yourself. If on the other hand, you are needing them to convince you that you are lovable, you are more demanding, more drastic in reactions, more desperate. Because how you feel about yourself is dependent on how they treat you. Want more enlightenment on this? Check out the Relationship Mentoring Program.
Back to the point,
Love comes with clarity of intent followed by a commitment that matches the proposed intent, if this person is consistently leaving you confused or unsure, it is most likely because they are unsure about you. If I say I want to marry you, I must act like I want to marry you. If I say I want to be exclusive, I must act like I am exclusive. Do not trust people who want you to trust them based on what they said, not what they are doing. Talk is cheap! God weighs actions, be like your father. 1Samuel 2:3.
3. He is not financially invested or may even seek what’s yours.
When in doubt, follow the money. Numbers don’t lie, humans do. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. When someone is emotionally invested, they will also be financially invested – gifts (big/little). They are thinking of how to add to you and make you smile.
Another Caution : if someone is giving below your expectation, but is still giving, check your expectation. Are you expecting a lifestyle change from him? Check their income/occupation if you are that intimate. Check their money mentality and yours. There may be a mismatch which can lead to trouble down the line!!! In the Relationship Mentoring Program, you will get more information about financial compatibility and how to know if you both have similar money mindsets.
A man that loves you and is responsible enough for marriage will want to provide for you. He will be ashamed to beg/borrow from you. If he is busy asking for yours, at the very minimum it should be a concern. Never borrow any lover or potential lover what you cannot overlook if they never pay you back.
4. You’ve never met the important people in his life – close friends, parents etc.
If he won’t introduce you officially, he’s hiding you. Relationships should be private, not secret. People should know you’re together, but they don’t need the details of your day to day. You should meet close friends within a few weeks of being official, and parents should be aware within weeks too and maybe met officially within months. He would want to show you off to those that matter to him. If he isn’t doing that, bring it up.
5. He is not willing to wait till marriage for sex and seeks every opportunity to pressurize you.
This is the litmus test for every believer. If he is constantly using “marriage “to pressure you to sin with him, he’s baiting you, don’t fall for it. He’s dangling what you want so you can give him what he wants. Be ready to give up what you want, if needed, for the one who has given you what you need the most – Himself (Christ).
Sex and associated foreplay should be off limits if He is serious about God and willing to prove he wants you as a person, not just an outlet for sexual release. He should be willing to establish and embrace necessary limits to avoid temptations, not just verbally agree to “no sex outside marriage”.
If he is constantly guilt tripping you into sex, run .
Did this bless you? Then the Relationship Mentoring Program will blow your mind! You will learn, unlearn, relearn and be thoroughly equipped to do relationships right. This knowledge will transform you into a goal getting, highly desirable single who is rightly positioned for lasting love. Registration for this program will go up next year, because the value being dished out keeps increasing, therefore, seize this moment to save your seat at the lowest price it’d ever be now!
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With Christ’s exotic love,
Mrs Omoghene