How to get a workaholic man to come home 101

When we were dating, my husband and I lived in different states, and it was such a stressful situation. I think I earned my degree in nagging during that phase. Because even during holidays sometimes he won’t come visiting. He’d stay in school teaching tutorials or doing one business or the other to get money. We’d get into an argument, hang up offended, call the next day to apologize, only to repeat the cycle all over again.

Like literally in those days, he’d eventually come around and I’d be too angry to enjoy our time together. He’d spend a good chunk of time, apologizing, cheering me up etc., by the time we should start having fun, it’s almost time to leave.

See for me, it was simple, if you love me like you say you do and miss me as much as you say you do, you should drop every other thing and come home to me. I was naive. It’s not that clear cut for a man. Men are more controlled/bound by other values besides love, one of such is duty.

I’ve come a long way from that time and here are the kind of conversations we have now about coming home.

So today, let me help you not be naive. If you’re a young wife, with a man who works late, works more than one job, works in a different state, and seems not to prioritize you or your family, this is for you.

Or maybe you’re not yet married but in a relationship with a workaholic man like mine, this will really help you enjoy him and your relationship, and the little time you have together, instead of going through unnecessary fights and disagreements.

Disclaimer : this applies if you’re with someone who genuinely loves you and wants to make your relationship work. If there is no love, it may take much longer before you see results, if any.

1. Discover and Pursue your Purpose: purpose keeps you productively engaged and fulfilled. And when you’re fulfilled, You’d be more willing to give, instead of focusing on receiving. We nag because we’re not receiving what we believe we ought to receive. Purpose fuels your passion and passion keeps you fulfilled. Purpose refuels you, while “just a job” drains you. If you’re actively pursuing your purpose, and deriving joy from it, you’d be in a better frame of mind to address what you lack in your relationship without resorting to nagging.
2. Be direct and ask for what you want and share why you want it: “Come home because I miss you” will have a much better impact than “you don’t make time for us, you don’t prioritize us or when are you coming, don’t you know you should be home by now”. One tells him he is missed, loved and needed, the other tells him “he’s not doing well”, which do you think he would respond better to?. Even if he doesn’t come home to either requests, which do you think would leave warm, fuzzy thoughts in his mind about you?…. It’s little things like these that determines whether you have a marriage that’s warm, loving and intimate, or one where you’re both just minding your business and trying not to step on each other’s toes.

3. Understand that by nature, he is not like you. Know this and know peace. When Adam was formed, work was waiting , when Eve came on the scene, a husband was waiting. A responsible man will most likely work a lot, he needs to work to make something of himself. Society defines him by his work and he feels that pressure. It’s also in your best interest that he works, because that’s how he’d take care of your family, what you need is for him to prioritize you as well. Here’s the secret: When you show acceptance and understanding of his need, he will be more responsive to yours.

Practical ways to do this:

A. Commend him for his work ethic verbally and non verbally by removing obstacles to his work, or meeting his needs while he works ( a cup of water/juice, declutter his work space, engage the kids, let him sleep in etc.)

P.S: even if you also work and feel he should do same for you, the key to getting him to do this is to first sow the seed by doing it for him. Keep sowing this good seed and someday you will reap it.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6‬:‭9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

B. Be warm and welcoming when he chooses to relax with you. Smile, put his head on your laps, listen to his work issues, watch sports with him etc.

C. Clearly communicate how you’d like him to initiate time with you.

Use statements like “I’d like you to plan a date for us, take me out, make me feel special”. No guilt tripping, complaining etc, just clear request for what you need communicated kindly. “I’d like us to have a date night every Friday” “I’d like you to come home early every Friday night so we can have a long weekend together”.

He wants these things too, he’s just caught up by all the other things he needs to do, your job isn’t to tell him he doesn’t want to be with you, it’s to remind him why he always wants to be with you. When you work with this premise, you’d communicate better and chances are he’d be more willing to meet your needs as he continues to feel loved and accepted.

Don’t forget this, being a good wife, who practices these principles, isn’t all about your husband, it’s simply who you choose to be.

Anything stood out to you or reassured you from this post? Share it with me below 👇 and share this post with other young wives in your circle.

With Christ’s exotic love,

Mrs Omoghene