I’m sure you know a tale or two of a girl who fell for a guy who ended up duping her. He promises heaven and earth but when it comes time to pullout his wallet there’s always one “explanation” about why he cannot at the moment.
Avoiding this type of man is crucial because he not only steals your money, he steals your time, taking all the focus and attention that you could have saved for your Mr Right.
However, in a bid to avoid him, many have put on such defense that makes it hard for even the right guy to penetrate. The tricks and tactics that they employ to scare away Mr scam also in facts scares away Mr Right.
So let’s dive into the basics of how you can avoid Mr Scam without scaring away Mr Right. I saved the best tip for the last.😘
1. Friendship First.
No matter how old you are and how ready for marriage you are, know this : friendship is the foundation for any relationship that will last. Genuine friendship, not a hurried let’s get friendship out of the way relationship.
Even though Mr right may state his intentions from the beginning, he will also be open to your idea of “let’s be friends first, I don’t want to rush”. Why? Because the first scriptural definition of true love is patience. 1corinthians 13:4.
And “no obligation friendship” should be your unshakable starting position because time is one of the best revealers of intention and genuine desire. Note, this time is best spent, asking questions , listening carefully to the answers and observing for follow through. If possible, document what you’re uncovering so that you won’t forget and you can make an informed decision.
And no, you’re not going to jump right off to deep conversations, like when do you want to be married, do you want children or how many. You will start from and stay long enough at the level of
what do you do?
Why do you what you do?
How long have you been doing it?
Is it your dream job?
What are your hobbies?
What are your dislikes?
What motivates you?
Tell me about how you got saved.
what are you focused on learning at the moment?
what do you do on the weekends?
What do you for fun?
What do you love so much that you can do for free?
How passionate are you about Christ? Etc.
Any man you meet, who doesn’t seem to know much about you and is not asking questions along the line of getting to know you first, is either a suspect or is in too much haste to get married. In that case, does he just want to be married or does he want to be married to YOU?
Therefore, Friendship first – filled with interesting questions that demonstrate interest in who you are as a person.
How long should this friendship last you may ask? Depends on the next point 👇
2. Consistency.
Does he call back when he says he would? If and when he doesn’t, does he have a legitimate reason not to? And did he initiate the call to let you know why he didn’t follow through or you had to be looking for him like a lost treasure?
In short, during this friendship phase, is he consistently seeking you out? And systematically leading the friendship towards an exclusive relationship?
In my opinion, any man that ghosts you and then resurfaces without any logical reason, only came back to get something he didn’t get the first time, and when he gets it, he’d leave again. Maybe you’re fun to be around, maybe he got lonely and remembered you were available. Maybe he wanted you to miss him so that upon his return, you’d be rejoicing and begin to self sabotage to keep him.
Could he be remorseful and realized what he lost? Yes it’s a possibility, but first do ask him clearly why he disappeared before and what are his intentions now? To be friends while it’s fun or to actively work on getting to know you?
If he stays consistent seeking you out over several weeks, then you can begin to ask:
What are your plans for a relationship?
When do you see yourself getting married?
What are you looking for in a partner?
What do you believe you’re bringing into your relationship?
What’s your genotype?
Is this just a friendship or you’re interested in something more? (If he hasn’t clearly stated that)
I share several of these deeper questions and the non negotiable evidences of true love, plus habits and baggages you need to watch out for in the course – Identify Mr Right. It’s your comprehensive guide (and I mean very comprehensive guide) to choosing the right person for you. You need it, especially if you’re in this phase where you have a strong contender seeking you for a relationship and you need clarity to know if he’s the right choice for you. Check it out here.
3. Generosity with kindness
A good man knows his place and takes his place. He won’t be asking to borrow from you, in fact he’d rather starve than do such. He wants to see how to meet your needs and even when he can’t, he’d still make an effort to make you feel special in any little way he can. That’s the man you want, the one that shows effort, not discuss excuses.
Now tread carefully, you will not make demands of this man to “prove” him, because if you begin to do that, a good man may be put off and a bad man who has the means may take advantage. You will simply observe.
Does he go out of his way to do anything for me?
Does he give me anything, even if it’s a pen?
What does he sacrifice me for and what does he sacrifice for me?
My revered mentor Bishop Oyedepo once said “ you can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving”
If you don’t want to be scammed, especially financially, watch the direction of money flow.
4. Take it slow!
When it comes to getting to know someone, haste/desperation is your enemy. It takes time to really know someone. Don’t try to talk everyday, reeling out questions like an exam paper. Mr scam will tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Keep it light, keep it fun. This works for both male and female.
Don’t be so moved by their physical looks and the initial attraction that it causes you to move too quickly. Be genuinely interested in who this person is, not just what they look like.
Whenever you find your thoughts going “let this be the one”, put your hand on your chest and say “calm down, if he is the one, glory to God, if he is not, God has someone better for me, I am not missing out”. You will not rush into ruin in Jesus name.
5. Build Depth.
There is a way you live with consistency of character that Mr scam won’t be able to keep up with. If you are someone who isn’t clear about your values or compromises easily, you will fall prey. But if you are consistent in character, they may try to approach you but they won’t be able to keep up with you, I know this from experience.
There is a price to pay to relate with a woman of value and depth, and it’s not money, pretty gifts, expensive vacations, it’s a matching depth of character. That is the only thing that attracts and keeps her.
So are you a person of depth? If your genuine answer is no, you can build depth into yourself. How? By investing in knowledge.
You begin to buy and read books, pay for reasonable courses that align with your interests, keep company with wise people(follow those who have proofs of the kind of relationship you desire), and take practical steps to invest in yourself.
Self investment is the price you have to pay to build depth and attract the right people.
6. Ask God
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.”
Jeremiah 17:9-10 KJV
There was one prayer I prayed as a single lady that really worked for me. I’d ask “Lord reveal this person to me”, and within a matter of days, something will surface about the person that will let me know if they’re wrong or right for me.
But you know, you can only ask this and get clear answers if you are a child of God. So in case you are not a child of God, or you were and you turned back, allow me to pray with you and reconnect you to your Father.
Say this “Lord Jesus, I come to you today to be reconciled with God, our Father, through you. Thank you for giving your life to give me this opportunity. Forgive me for all my sins. Wash me and make new with your precious blood. I confess you as my Lord and Savior, and today I choose to live my life in honor of you. Give me the grace I need to live pure and remain in unity with you. Keep me until that perfect day of your return. All these I ask in your name Jesus, Amen.”
If you said this prayer with sincerity from your heart, reach out to me here, with the subject “saved”, so I can help you build this beautiful relationship with your father where He guides you into the good things He has prepared for you, including a beautiful marriage.
Before you leave…
Learnt something from this post? First Share it with me in the comments and then share this post in your WhatsApp status and instagram stories with the links down below. Let this be a blessing to your friends as it has been to you ❤️
Which of these 6 points resonate with you the most? Share it with me in the comments 💖
With Christ’s exotic love,
Mrs Omoghene