In the conclusion of last week’s post (if you missed it, scroll to the end of this page to read it first, so as to lay a proper foundation for this post) I mentioned that you should focus on friendship building conversations, not romance enhancing ones, because when the romantic lights are on, it may be hard to see people for who they really are.
Today, I’m here to give you some talking points, towards engaging in those conversations that would foster friendship (instead of premature romance), while giving you adequate information to see whether you both share common values, goals and dreams etc.
Let’s dive straight into that:
Spiritual views:
Of course, for a believer, this is the foundation for all relationships. I typically find it funny when people are asked what they want in a spouse and they list off various physical and emotional attributes, then they say “and most importantly God fearing”. If it is the most important, please begin with it.
Yes, it may be weird to straight off ask a new person about their personal walk with Christ, so it’s usually easier to share yours first. Talk about what you are learning currently at this phase of your life, the scriptures God is using to teach you, your understanding of it, the questions you still have, and give him or her a chance to contribute.
If the said person has a relationship with God, they will most likely have tangible truths to share with you along this conversation line. They will also have scriptures to share and most likely questions of their own.
It is important that you do not have this type of conversation just once. If your spiritual walk is a priority to you, you will talk about it often.
As your friendship progresses, you want to see if you have similar spiritual views and if you can enhance each other’s spiritual growth.
You also want to know:
- when they gave their lives to Christ(to be sure their salvation is intentional not assumed),
- what led to their salvation decision,
- what their struggles are (if they are willing to share),
- how they are working towards growing in the faith etc.
Again, don’t rush all these into one conversation, pace it, so you can really uncover the truth.
You should also observe the fruit of their lives, not just the answers to your questions. For example, do they reflect a measure of the fruit of the Spirit as listed in Galatians 5:22? Do you also see them practically adjusting their behavior and actions to align with the word? In other words, is God’s word a guiding principle for how they live?
Is God’s word a guiding principle for how they live?
You will agree with me that it takes lots of conversation and time spent listening and observing to uncover this. Therefore courtship and marriage should never be rushed into regardless of how old you are.
When you’re getting to know someone, observing the fruit of their lives is just as important as listening to what they say. If their actions don’t match their words, it’s a red flag!
Another great way to uncover their spiritual views without asking all the questions yourself is to invite them to be a part of a bible study you belong to. If distance is a barrier, invite them to join your church bible study online, then afterwards you both can discuss further.
This gives you an added advantage of hearing their opinions when they are not necessarily trying to impress you. And should the friendship progress, you both will be able to grow together among a community of believers where you can find counsel, mentoring, spiritual support for your relationship etc. I cannot tell you how crucial this is.
Purpose views:
I do not think you will get much by asking someone you just met what their life’s purpose is. Most people uncover this in phases and over a period of time. So you can begin by talking about:
Of course, you shouldn’t follow this list and just keep asking and ticking them off, they are mainly conversation starters that are meant to lead into deeper talks along this line. Listen to the responses and ask further based on what you are hearing.
It is also important for you to share your answers to these questions along the way, let this person know the real you, so he or she can determine if they want to be with you as well. The most important thing is, you’re really getting to know this person and they are getting to know you as a friend, before the romantic lights come on.
Political/societal views:
This may not tip the scales in a large way for or against a relationship like the previous conversations. There are probably many long standing marriages where both parties have different political views.
I just think its great to build friendship by talking about happenings in your society, country, other countries that you know and sharing your feelings on them. I have been married for 5 years, and my husband and I still have great conversations about the happenings in our society and around the world in general.
At best, you might find an ally in this friend, learn things you didn’t know before and see events from a new and perhaps better perspective. At worst, you may find that you both can’t agree on these things and that might open you up to other issues you can’t agree on.
Talking about general things like this, is usually where people take off their cape and show who they are, their ability to listen, to consider an opposing view, to compromise, their willingness to learn, their interest in or passion to know the truth not just what’s going around, perhaps even their tolerance level.
If you find yourselves raising voices against each other over something as general as this, little wonder what else you might raise voices over. Now whether you want the friendship to progress based on your findings is completely up to you.
These are just some kinds of conversation to help you solidify a friendship, so that a romantic/emotional connection won’t be the first thing on your mind and you can really get to know this individual.
Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments, reading comments from you is my most favorite thing as a blogger.🥰
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Until next week😎
With Christ’s love❤️
Mrs O😊
PS: Do you have any questions concerning courtship and marriage that you will like to ask privately? Feel free to send me a message below. (It’d go straight to my inbox😁)
Courtship&Marriage 