Courtship /Marriage

How to protect your emotions while waiting for the right one(1).

No one keeps their valuables where it can be easily accessed. Your heart( the seat of your emotions) shouldn’t be easily accessible to just anyone.

Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” (NKJV).

People gain access to your heart by what they say to you, especially in solitude(being online alone is solitude as well). So to be intentional about protecting your heart is to be intentional about who you spend time with, the conversations you have with such people, and sometimes, even the places where you decide to meet them.

Be intentional about protecting your heart by considering carefully who you spend time with and the conversations you have with such people.

In the past, I’ve talked about how I was always “catching feelings” in my teenage years and even in my early twenties and going through the heartache of liking people who didn’t feel the same way. Thankfully I didn’t go through this phase in vain, I learnt lessons that I can now pass on to you to help you avoid some painful experiences.

Here are a few tips to help you keep your heart in check, until you know for sure that you are ready to be emotionally involved with someone.

DISCLAIMER: these are my personal opinions that I hope you would find useful, lol, that’s the essence of a blog right? Let’s dive in.

Pray over your heart and emotions:

I believe God is interested in every aspect of our lives. He is definitely interested in your emotional wholeness. So pray over your heart, often, and every time you sense it longing for someone who either hasn’t made a verbal commitment to you or you’re not yet sure you should say yes to. Here are a few prayer lines that can help:

  • Ask God to help you to keep your heart and mind fixed on Him, because He is the ultimate lover of your soul. Isaiah 26:3.
  • Ask Him to give you His peace and take away every anxiety over getting married. Philippians 4:6&7.
  • Ask Him to help you make the right choice of spouse. Psalms 32:8.

Please, actually open your Bible and read the attached scriptures, it would help you!

Decide to have a “no pressure friendship” phase:

I believe friendship is the bedrock of successful courtships and marriages. Of course, in the olden days of match making, people decided on marriage first then found love and friendship afterwards. Thankfully we are no longer in the olden days😂. However, today, people prioritize emotional connection over anything else when they are considering a spouse. Little wonder divorce rates are sky high. I have always said “feelings alone are too fickle to build something as lifelong as marriage on”. So I hope you would subscribe to this alternative.

In a no pressure friendship phase, you are not envisioning that person as a potential spouse, you are simply focused on building friendship( so don’t dwell on any thoughts of how you both fit together, it’d come to mind because you’re human, but choose not to dwell on it).

When your mind is set in this way, your priorities shift, your emotional/romantic lights go dim and your logic and reasoning comes alive. What keeps a friendship together is good character, shared values, shared interests, among other things, and that is what you should be out looking for. Now whether this person turns out to be a spouse or not, at least you’d have found a friend. Decide to do this, regardless of how old you are and how focused you are on your “biological clock”.

During your no pressure friendship phase, I believe you should try to eliminate the pressure of “romantic” dates and only go to places and be in circles that foster conversations and shared interests. If you can, invite other friends along and see how he or she behaves in the midst of other people. As much as lies with you, see if you both can be friends for a period of time (as determined by you) without any romantic involvement or commitment.

What keeps a friendship together is good character, shared values, shared interests, among other things, and that is what you should be out looking for.

Focus on friendship building conversations, not romance enhancing ones.

When you’ve just met someone and he or she “seems” to fit the bill for the kind of spouse you desire, it’s easy to delve into emotional or romantic talks right off the bat e.g. marriage timeline, the desire for children, dreams of married life, kind of spouse you or they desire etc. Most people can give you acceptable answers to these questions and yet be incompatible with you or they may even just pretend and tell you what they know you want to hear.

Therefore, while these talks are important, I do not think they should come first at the beginning of a friendship, because this kind of talk, makes it so easy for you to fall for someone, only to realize down the line that their values, priorities, motivations and general perspectives are completely different from yours. By the time emotions are already involved, it’s harder to see people for who they really are.

When you’re already emotionally involved, it’s harder to see someone for who he/she really is.

In order to avoid a lengthy writeup and to give you time to see how you can implement the above points, I’d stop here for now.

Next week I’d be sharing with you some kinds of conversations I propose you begin with when you find a new friendship budding (after of course clarifying that such person is completely single 😂). It’s already written out and it’s loaded! Follow this blog now, so you’d be notified immediately the post is published.

Hey, I’m Mrs O, sharing on building godly relationships is my great delight, follow this blog to learn more.

Until next week 😎

With all my love❤️

Mrs O☺️

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