9 years ago, I broke up with the love of my life and that decision changed me forever.
It was hard, no doubt, break ups are hard.
What was worse is that we broke up like 3 times, because we kept making up few days/weeks after each break up.
The situation was both unhealthy and extremely heart wrenching, until I implemented these simple tips that helped me to heal and become ready to love again.
Tune out the noise.
Different people will have different things to say about your breakup. Some will think you made the right choice and others will blatantly tell you you’re making a grave mistake.
Truth is, no one knows your future, they are only speculating based on their knowledge and life experiences.
This is your life and you alone will bear the consequences for the choices you make. So tune out the noise, search your own heart, and do not allow the opinions of others determine your next step.
Only you will be married to this person, so if you believe a break up is needed, own your decision.
Soak in your Father’s love.
It is definitely harder to accept the breakup when it wasn’t your choice, but there is no wisdom in seeking to remain with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you.
Respect their decision and remind yourself that this rejection doesn’t mean that you are unlovable or unworthy.
Here are 3 scriptures to think on and soak in the unrelenting love of your Heavenly Father who will never break up with you!
“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt. Again you will take up your timbrels and go out to dance with the joyful.”
Jeremiah 31:3-4 NIV
“I will rejoice and be glad in Your steadfast love, Because You have seen my affliction; You have taken note of my life’s distresses,”
Psalms 31:7 AMP
“I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”
Lamentations 3:20-24 NLT
Pray for your healing.
I am a committed Christian, and I believe that God is interested in my emotional well-being as much as He is in my spiritual well being. “
“and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:7 NKJV
God wants to guard my heart and mind with His peace, so I asked for it. Every time I felt distressed and burdened which was a lot of times (more times than I could keep talking about it with any friend), I whispered a prayer to my Heavenly Father, who I know will never tire of me.
I went to him with “You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.”
Isaiah 26:3 NKJV
The Message Bible translated it “you keep completely whole”, so I kept whispering “Make me completely whole Father, heal my heart and make me whole”. And He did, because He alone can heal us on the inside.
Go to your Heavenly Father, His arms are always open wide and He longs to comfort you, the way only He can.
Seek out and pursue your interests
Before this break up, I was typically a reserved girl who loved to be in the shadows. It was during this period that I decided to put myself out there and get involved in pursuits I found meaningful. I needed to keep my mind busy and productive.
I joined two NGO’s as a volunteer and I gave it my best. This led me to find my own purpose as a minister and I started a ministry to equip young ladies with knowledge to help them build a godly and successful relationship.
This is still what I’m doing today, that’s why I said the break up changed my life (and maybe yours too, because you’re here on the blog reading this 😁).
Eight months after a complete breakup, by the time my boyfriend and I got back together (we’ve been married for 6+ years now), I was no longer who I used to be.
The growth I experienced from pursuing my purpose made me a better partner and I’m grateful for it.
So what are your interests? What are those plans you’ve been putting off? Use this new free time that you have to go all out for them.
Ditch any excuses that may have been holding you back and find a way to use your mind and time productively.
In fact, the contributions you make and the goals you achieve, will bring you a joy and fulfillment that is entirely yours and that no relationship can give to you or take from you.
Rely on your same sex friendships
I was close to a rebound with another male friend, so I had to be intentional about exposing my heart and pain only to my girlfriends. They were there to listen, provide counsel, call me to order, and simply distract me sometimes.
Never allow any love relationship, isolate you from your same sex friends, each has its own place. And in this period of emotional pain, rely on them.
You don’t have to call all the time, because life is sure busy for all of us. Still, find ways to open up, leave text messages, send voice notes, express your hurt and get it out of your chest.
Allow others to comfort you. Don’t try to go through it on your own, we all need support sometimes. And someday it may be your turn to comfort others.
Be courageous for a clean break.
Even if there is potential for friendship, the first 3 months (minimum) after you decide to part ways should be a complete break.
I know this isn’t easy especially when you have started to merge your life with someone or you’re just so used to talking with them or sharing certain activities with them. However, trying to maintain friendship in the early stages of a break up makes things messy.
So, cut off all association and give both yourselves the space and time to separate and heal a little bit , before you even consider the possibility of a platonic friendship, depending on the character of the person and the reason for the breakup.
Find the lessons.
If you don’t do this, you will repeat the mistakes and end up with another heart break.
Yes the break up may not have been your fault or your choice, but in every relationship, both partners are responsible for its success or failure.
You may not have created the problem, but you contributed to it or sustained it’s existence through your actions or inactions.
So answer honestly “what should I have done differently?”, “how can I ensure that I don’t carry on the same mistakes into the next relationship?”, “how can I be more sensitive before even getting into another relationship?” Etc.
It is foolishness to keep doing the same thing and expect a different result.
Above all, seek counseling if you need to. If the pain is so deep that you believe you need additional support, don’t be ashamed to seek it.
What stood out to you the most in this post, share with me in the comments💛
I pray you receive healing and wholeness for every hurt you’ve endured.
With all my love.
Omowonuola.
Courtship&Marriage 