“When will you marry?” “Are you being too picky?” “Is no one even approaching you or you’re the one chasing them away?” “Let me introduce you to so and so’s son, he’s a great catch”
If you’ve heard these or similar statements before or you’re currently hearing them, this one is for you.
Our parents out of concern for us and their own desire for grandchildren sometimes pressure us to get married. All their friends kids are married and having babies and you seem like you’re taking forever, so they try to “help” at least that’s what they think they’re doing.
Well here are the simple ways to handle the pressure while maintaining a cordial relationship with them.
Understand that it may be from a place of love.
If you don’t understand their intent you will judge their actions. For many of our parents, they just want what’s best for their child and it might take you having yours to really get what that feels like.
When you understand their intent love behind the actions, it’s easier to forgive, overlook and maintain a good relationship. So first understand that.
Communicate your convictions.
If you have parents who don’t understand that marriage should be done based on clear convictions then you need to explain this to them. Emphasize that you want to marry for love and God’s will not out of pressure and that you’re willing to wait until you find that right one.
Let them know clearly that by pressuring you, it may negatively impact on your decision making and it’s in their best interest that you choose someone who will be a positive addition to your life and the family, not someone that will be the problem stirring family meetings week after week.
Clearly remind them that your destiny, their peace of mind, the destiny of their grandchildren is all at stake.
Set clear boundaries and respectfully decline unwanted matches.
Remind them that while you value their input, this is a decision you must make on your own as the consequences will impact you first and you most.
You can categorically tell them the values that are important to you in a spouse and that they shouldn’t suggest anyone who doesn’t stand for these values as that will only waste your time and theirs.
Remind them that they’ve done a good job raising you and now they must let you show what good work they’ve done by the choices you make.
Don’t give in to fear tactics.
“I will soon die, don’t you want me to carry my grandchild before I do”, “I’m depressed, it’s only the cry of a baby that will make me happy”, “if you don’t bring someone I’d cut you off” etc. Don’t give in to any of these ultimatums or fear tactics. They are outrightly wrong and ungodly. P
Perhaps your parents are letting their emotions control them, but you don’t have to. Be kind but firm in letting them know that they are free to make their choice just like you’re free to make yours. In fact, if you have parents like this, this is a good opportunity to start setting those boundaries before you bring another human into the family.
“I will love for us to remain cordial daddy/mommy, I will love to have open communication with you and receive your guidance, but if you choose to keep giving me ultimatums and using these fear tactics, then I would have to stay away for both your peace of mind and mine. I need your love and support now more than ever, don’t drive me away with these hurtful statements.”
Continue to seek God’s guidance.
Remember that your parents are pressuring you because they believe it’s time for you to get married, but the scripture says
“My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies, And from those who persecute me.”
Psalms 31:15 NKJV
Your times are in God’s hands so keep actively seeking His face. Don’t say you’re waiting on Him when you’re doing absolutely nothing to seek His face. You’re not praying about it, you’re not asking clear questions and expecting answers, you’re not going on a fast if it seems like you’re hearing nothing.
Waiting without working is wasting without knowing. Therefore take scriptural steps of faith to prove you’re actively waiting on Him. Not sure exactly what to do? Get “Your Wait is Over”. Read it and read it again and take steps based on everything you read from it. It’s a step-by-step guide to help you connect with the godly match you desire.
Surround yourself with Support
This is so important when you’re dealing with pressures either from parents, relatives, society in general, or even just yourself.
Don’t try to brave it all on your own. Give well meaning people a chance to be there for you. Let them know when you’re struggling, when it hurts, when it gets lonely and remain open to receiving comfort from others. Let them take you out, visit you, etc.
This support will go a long way in helping you stand firm in your convictions to wait and choose the right one.
Keep a loving attitude and be thoughtful in your response.
As much as lies with you live peacefully with your parents. And continue to honor them in your heart even if it means doing it from a distance depending on the choices they’re making as regards pressuring you.
Their actions doesn’t remove your responsibility to obey God by honoring them. So honor them from your heart as the vehicles God used to being you into this world.
If necessary, have a careful well thought out response for them whenever they bring the pressure on. My eldest brother used to tell my mom “they don’t apprehend late comers in the marriage institution”. You can say “I know you’re concerned, but I’m taking steps towards it and I trust God to connect me. Keep praying for me too”.
Does this help? Which of these do you think you need to practice more as you deal with parental pressure to get married? Let me know in the comments.
Love and Light always
Mrs Omoghene
P.S: if at least one thing stood out to you in this post, one statement that was helpful, pls share to your social media stories/status. It’s a little thing you can do that’d mean a lot to me , honestly! Thanks .