5 Keys to being a successful stay-at-home mom(and transition back to your career without mom guilt).

For 4 years I was a stay at home mom and though it was a very challenging period of my life, I look back on it now and find it fulfilling that I was able to achieve so much during that time.

Being a stay home gave me the freedom I needed to focus on my first child and help her go from non verbal to multi lingual (You can watch her testimony here to learn all the steps I took towards that). It helped me set parenting templates and establish routines around our life that has now made it easy for me to go back to work free of mom guilt, because our kids are doing so well.

So let’s dive into 5 things that helped me succeed as a stay home mom and can help you too.

1. Embrace it, in spite of the criticisms and judgements of others, it’s a phase, it doesn’t define your whole life.

The first key to succeeding as a stay home mom is to fully own this season. Embrace it. It might simply be a phase or you might discover purpose in it and choose it for the rest of your life. But first own it with your full chest. Be proud of this choice you have made to step away from work / a career in order to care for a little one.

Realize that there are many who wish they had the choice to be home to watch their baby grow, but they can’t, because their life and financial obligations make it an impossible choice. Be grateful you could choose to be home.

Even if you feel like this isn’t a choice you made, it was sort of made for you (like I felt when I had to stay home because we just relocated), still embrace it, because this time spent with your little ones at their most vulnerable can never be a waste.

When the world criticizes your choice (as they will unfortunately), remember to compliment yourself. What you say to yourself is more important than what others say to you. You’re doing a good job and this is a worthy investment of your time.

2. Make it count by establishing structures that will make it easy for you to transition to working outside the home (should you choose to).

Sleep Structure : when I had my first child, we had no structure. When her pediatrician asked me if I’ve gotten her on a routine, it was like she was speaking greek, because how do you get a baby on a routine? However, this lack of routine was highlighted a few years later as one of the things that negatively affected her development.

So with our second child , I was very different, more intentional about everything. At 5 months, she was on a routine, and I successfully moved her to their shared room , I only had to go there to feed her once at night. She was an easy baby, I bless God for that, and routines from the very beginning really helped continue in that ease. Check out my previous post on bedtime structure for young kids to learn more about this. (You’d find it towards the end).

Till date, our kids have a bedtime routine, so when I’m not home to put them to sleep, they are well equipped to do all the right things – brush, read a bedtime devotion/ recite their affirmations and go to their beds. In fact, one day I had an online class at night and no one else was at home and they did all the right things by themselves and went to bed. When my class was done an hour after, the girls (6 &3) were fully asleep!

Devotion structure : no one should start their day carelessly, the morning tells the day. From day one, your little one should be part of your devotions, and when they are old enough (like 6 months), their devotion should be separate from your personal devotion, so you can begin to show them Bible stories with pictures. Once it becomes a routine, it sticks . I’m writing another article about the importance of devotions for little kids and how to establish one. Follow this blog now so you don’t miss it. Meanwhile you can read my previous article if you have a new born “five tips to raise kids who love the Lord”.

Screen time structure : it is not uncommon for stay home moms and their kids to spend a lot of time on the screen, you’re home all day together and may feel the need to entertain each other, before you know it, you’re hooked (or your child is). Don’t get on this slippery slope. It has been recommended that children less than 2 years old don’t need any screen time and above that, only an hour of screen time daily. This is not an impossible feat, we did it in our home with our second child. And currently, our kids only watch one hour of screen on Saturday and Sunday, nothing during the week. By this, we have seen them become so creative, responsible, regulated etc. You can do it too! Check them out here engaging themselves naturally👇🏾. This didn’t happen on its own though, when they were younger, I had to engage them without screens.

These structures will help you actually parent your kids and watch them become who they have been created to be. Any nanny can feed them , bathe them and clothe them, whereas it’s a parent’s sole responsibility to teach, instruct, cultivate values, develop structures hence preparing them for independence.

A mom I shared this with asked me, “what activities specifically do you do with them?”. If you have that same question, let me know in the comments. If we get a lot of requests about this , I can work on a ready to use “raising kids without screens” template that can help guide you.

3. Work hand in hand with dad, he’s a parent, not a fun uncle.

As a stay home mom, you will definitely bear the brunt of parenting, because dad has to keep the family afloat financially. However, keep him in the loop constantly. Resist the urge to make all the decisions yourself, because he has to be a part of their lives too. Communicate every decision you’re considering, your thoughts about it and seek his thoughts to keep every single detail of parenting mutual. So that when you’re not there, the vision is the same and the children have consistency.

Make opportunities for dad to have alone time with his kid(s), so he can have the necessary practice to handle them on his own. Equip him with the necessary parenting resources to help him feel confident to handle the kids in your absence. This takes the burden off you and gives the kids an opportunity to bond with their dad, a bond they also need. The key to success in this version of your relationship as a couple, is open, non-judgmental communication. Instead of complaining about what he’s not doing, ask kindly and respectfully about what you need from him. If you married a good well-intentioned man and you communicate with kindness and respect, he will rise up to the occasion. If you need counsel on this, feel free to reach out to me (send me a dm), or any trusted counselor.

4. Never compare yourself to a two-income household, be a good financial planner.

Comparison kills joy and creativity. Staying at home is a sacrificial choice, depending on your financial situation, you may have to abase a little, but it’s for the greater good. Spend based on what you have not what you want or think you need. This takes the pressure off your spouse to chase more money at the expense of family time and co-parenting. If you will like me to share more about sustaining a one-income household, drop a comment and I’d make it a priority to write on it.

5. Research your next steps and start taking them little by little.

When our second child turned one, and our first was doing better with communication, I started thinking about what I wanted to do next. I’ve always known being a mom is simply a part of my life, it was not my whole life’s calling. After my personal prayer one morning, God told me to apply to schools for my doctorate. And as I picked up my iPad, he led me to the exact school that met all my requirements and was fitting for me. The process of requesting my transcript etc, took a year, but I was okay going step by step. Now I’m in my second year in the program and excelling at it all – marriage, ministry, motherhood, schooling, and in fact God added a part time job to it over the summer 😂.

I can now be fully expressive of my multi dimensional life because I took it step by step and first focused on laying the structural framework I needed to raise my kids while I was a stay home mom. Life comes together in phases and little steps. No need to envy anyone else.

Therefore, Who do you want to be besides being a mom? A career woman, business woman, ministry woman? What do you want to pursue? Start thinking about it and taking little steps towards it daily. If all you can do is fill a form today, send it tomorrow etc., take that step. It’d all add up soon!
Some people may not have to go through this process, they may never have to take a break, especially if they have help. But if you have chosen to take a step back because you have to do it yourself with your spouse, then I believe these steps will be beneficial to you.

Finally, If this article is helpful to you, don’t leave without dropping a comment/sharing what stood out to you the most. And do me a solid, by sharing it directly on social media with the links below or forwarding to at least 5 of your friends. My purpose is to teach and inspire people to build godly marriages that will raise godly kids. Help me fulfill this call by sharing with others . God bless you as you do.❤️

With Christ’s exotic love,

Wonuola.

P.S : If you would like a template/e-book for raising kids without screens and won’t mind paying a token for it, drop a comment. The more the comments, the quicker I work on it 😉.

P.P.S: Feel free to let me know any other parenting topic you’d like me to talk about.