Courtship /Marriage

Letters to my (imaginary) single friend (pt 2)

*Married women should read this too

Dear Cantù,

I’m honestly glad that I get to write to you again, because there’s been a lot on my mind, and of course writing to a friend is a great way to take some load off.

Last month I told you that building or deepening your relationship with God should be your primary focus while you’re still single. In case you missed that, you can read it at the end of this letter.

Today, I’d like to share another important thing you should focus on and solidify before you get married and that is your Finances.

As a SAHM (for now), if there’s one piece of advice I can give to any unmarried lady, it would be ESTABLISH A PASSIVE SOURCE OF INCOME WHILE YOU’RE WAITING TO GET MARRIED!

I am experiencing first hand the demands of raising young kids and the amount of sacrifice that is involved if you want to be intentional about being a godly and good parent.

Being an intentional parent, however doesn’t mean that you won’t still long for your own personal relevance, if anything, it would make the longing even more apparent.

Before I go in too deep, let me acknowledge that I recognize how strong the desire to be married can be…It was like that for me. The desire to be loved and cherished and to be settled in your love life.

It is such that after graduating from college, while most young men are seeking financial settlement, most young women are seeking marital settlement. Infact if you are not already in a committed relationship as a lady in the university, you are bound to feel like you’re falling short or missing out somehow.

I’ve been there and I know love is a powerful motivator that can produce a kind of tunnel vision.

However, what most single people are unaware of is the enormity of the responsibility of married life, especially as the kids start rolling in. The demand on the time and energy of a mother is great, and unless she has help, she might find that she has little time for anything else besides meeting the spiritual, physical, emotional, social, academic needs of her growing family.

Of course, day care/childcare is always an option. In my little experience though, some families have found it too expensive, others have found it unsuitable, and some other moms just really desire and choose to be there for their kids in those foundational years. There is no outrightly right or outrightly wrong decision when it comes to the issue of childcare, there is just “what is beneficial for my family at this time?”

Whichever the case may be, one thing still stands, a woman should have her own money. She should have her own source of income. Not just to help meet the needs of her family, but much more to add to her sense of dignity and security as a person.

If you really love your career, and quitting just isn’t an option for you, you would quickly realize that working an 8/12-hour shift, coming home exhausted, and having to start the unending shift of being a wife and a mother, especially when there is no help around, isn’t the best way to parent.

You might find that you get angry at things you shouldn’t be angry at. Or you let your little one watch a lot of TV, so you can get some moment of rest, all the while feeling bad that you are not the kind of mother that you really desire to be. (Mom guilt happens to all of us).

If you decide to quit your paying job, your husband’s income might not be sufficient to meet your family’s needs, so he might have to work more, and the negative side to that is, you barely see him at home. Marriage is a living thing, if it isn’t growing, it’s dying.

Even if your husband can adequately support your family, what about other needs, like your extended family asking for financial aid, or a business opportunity you want to invest in but do not want to risk the family’s income on, or a new dress or hairstyle you just want to spoil yourself with…. Not to mention your sense of dignity.

This topic is a deep and highly debatable one, but whichever side you may be on, you will agree with me that the wise thing to do as an unmarried lady is to actively work on and establish a passive source of income for yourself; something you can earn from while working at the most convenient time for you.

You’re still single so you can’t give any absolutes about what your career moves will be when you become a parent, and that is why I’m giving you this suggestion now. If you choose full on career and childcare, or you choose to take a career break for a while, depending on your circumstances, a little extra passive income won’t hurt you.

The best way to have a source of income and parent like you desire is to establish yourself in a work that is solely at your disposal. And this is best done before you get married!

In case you’re wondering what kind of passive income would be best for you, the answer to that might lie in your God given talents, don’t overlook them, establish them and start earning from them.

It’s 4:33am here, my girls will soon be up. If this letter inspired or encouraged you today, the best way to say thank you is to share it on your social media platforms, using the buttons below.

And in case you’re new here, you should know that sharing inspiration on all things courtship and marriage is my God given calling, join my online family so you can have full access to all I share.

Love alone is not enough, follow Courtship & Marriage, to get tools, tips and inspiration that will help you build the godly relationship you desire.

Until next week,😎

With all my love❤️

Mrs O😊

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