One of the worst mistakes that single people make is to date or enter relationships out of loneliness or boredom. A placeholder relationship not only robs you of the opportunity to meet the right one, it weakens your discernment and scars you emotionally. This makes it harder to recognize the right one or build a healthy relationship when you eventually choose the right one.
Yes, many singles do this out of ignorance. They are not intending to have a placeholder relationship, they genuinely think they are dating for marriage, but when it is based on a foundation of loneliness, in time the relationship breaks down.
It’s easy to mistake loneliness for readiness when it comes to dating. Readiness and loneliness are two separate things. In fact, those who are ready for marriage are more often than not those who have truly learned to be alone.
You might feel pressure from family, friends, or even your own heart to settle down— but when you date out of loneliness, these are the results:
1. It trains you to choose temporary relief that ends in resentment.
When loneliness is the driver, the goal becomes not being alone, instead of being well matched. Over time, this conditions you to ignore red flags, values mismatch, and spiritual misalignment just to feel chosen. The long-term effect? You enter marriage having already practiced compromising your core needs—but the resentment eventually shows up later. You will realize that you settled and it will hurt much more than your initial loneliness did.
2. It wires your heart to tolerate emotional crumbs.
Dating out of loneliness lowers your emotional standards without you realizing it. You start normalizing inconsistency, emotional unavailability, or minimal effort because “at least someone is there.” This quietly reshapes what you believe love looks like, making it harder to receive or sustain a healthy, mutual marriage later.
3. It delays the inner work—and marriage eventually exposes it.
When you date out of loneliness, the relationship often becomes a distraction from the work you actually need to do—healing past hurts, learning how to communicate honestly, understanding your triggers. It can feel like growth because you’re not alone anymore. But marriage has a way of pulling everything to the surface. The insecurities, fears, and patterns you avoided while dating don’t disappear—they show up louder, and now they affect another person too.
Before you say “yes” to a relationship, it helps to notice what’s really going on in your heart and why you’re saying yes to that relationship.
1. Check Your Motivation
🎯Are you dating because you genuinely enjoy being with that person, or mainly to avoid being alone?
🎯Do you feel a constant push to “move the relationship forward” even if it doesn’t feel right?
🎯Are you drawn to connection, or to comfort and security?
2. Pay Attention to Your Emotions
🎯Do you feel anxious or unsettled whenever they’re not around?
🎯Are you ignoring red flags just to keep the relationship going?
🎯Can you enjoy the relationship while still feeling confident and happy on your own?
3. Check Your Focus and Growth
📌Are you prioritizing your personal goals and purpose, or putting everything aside for the relationship?
📌Do you still spend time building other friendships, pursuing joy, and growing as a person?
📌Are you self-aware about your patterns in dating, or reacting out of habit or fear?
Noticing these things in your dating life can give you clues about whether you’re truly ready for marriage—or just feeling lonely.
If you want clarity on your heart and readiness, join me LIVE on YouTube. I’ll share the 3 clear signs that show you’re ready to meet the right one, how to recognize them in yourself, and how to avoid rushing out of desperation.
🎥 Catch the live here: [3 Signs you’re truly ready for love]. Subscribe and turn on notifications, so you don’t miss it.
Looking forward to meeting you,
Wonuola Omoghene.