Over the years, I have listened to several young ladies who were concerned about their “spiritual parents” or mentors not being in support of their choice of a spouse.
It’s either these mentors nudge them towards someone they really have no attraction to, or intention towards, or said mentors are against someone they really like.
Listening to this discussion over and again made me reflect about my life and the decision to marry my husband. How did I reach the conclusion that he was the one for me? Did I have any mentors that nudged me towards him against my desire? What role, if any, did a mentor or an advisor play in determining my choice?
There was a time during our courtship when I lost interest in the relationship. I couldn’t see myself being married to him anymore and I didn’t want to pretend like things were fine because we had been together for so long. I broke off the courtship.
My mom and I had several conversations about it, where she, in no uncertain terms expressed her displeasure about the break up. As far as she was concerned there was no justifiable reason for it. I also remember clearly one of my elder brothers telling me “if you let this guy go, you may never find anyone as good as him”.
Were they right? Probably. Did I give in to their pressure? Nope!
I was not in doubt that he was (and still is) an amazing individual. I knew his worth…….. but I also knew mine. I wasn’t going to go into any union that I really didn’t want to be in. And neither should you. You should never marry just because “someone” said so.
Yes, there is a place for seeking and receiving counsel. I remember asking a friend of mine if he knew anyone that I could talk to about the matter. He directed me to an elderly woman he knew and her counsel was quite pivotal in resuscitating the relationship. But even she said “I do not want you to go back to him just because you know he’s a great guy therefore you’d try to love him back, I want you to actually love him back, he deserves no less”.
Days after that meeting, I genuinely cried out to God. I asked Him to help me make the right decision. I asked him to fill my heart with a fresh wine of love. And He did. I made my choice and my feelings followed my decision and we were together another two years before we got engaged and got married.
I take full responsibility for choosing to get married to my husband. I didn’t do it because other people said so. Mentors and spiritual parents are a guide. Yes they may be right about the direction you should go to, but you should never make a decision without your own conviction.
If you cannot take full responsibility for your choice of a spouse, you have no business getting married.
Yes, the Bible says “in the multitude of counselors, there is safety”. Proverbs 11:14b. But, it also says “Only those who are led by God’s Spirit are His children”. Roman’s 8:14 (CEV).
Here is my final take on this: when it comes to a decision as important as choosing that one person that YOU will spend the rest of your life with, yes, seek counsel if and when you need it, but no other person’s conviction should be stronger than yours. No other person’s voice should be louder than the voice of God through YOUR OWN SPIRIT!
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