Why many couples are not having passionate sex!(here are the 4 reasons)

Disclaimer: this is written for married couples. Singles please read with caution or don’t read at all.

We’ve also seen those movies where the lovers are so passionately entwined in each other’s arms, like the love is deep, the passion is 🔥, the way they tear at each other’s clothes or stare into each other’s eyes…, and it’s all to achieve one simple effect on us – to make us see the desire and long to experience the same.

Sadly a huge percentage of the sex displayed is illegitimate by God’s standards while the ones who are supposed to enjoy such intense passion legitimately settle for routine dutiful sex.

Let’s change the narrative by first examining why sex gets monotonous and lacking in passion in many marriages.

1. Resentment.

This is the main culprit behind lack luster sex between many couples. Being resentful or choosing to remain offended in your spouse in any way, slowly eats away at the passion in your relationship. The more you feel hurt by someone the less you want to be passionately intimate with them.

In most cases, Sex problem isn’t always just a sex problem, it’s a manifestation of a marriage problem. If you fix the marriage, you fix the sex. Therefore, if you feel unsatisfied with the kind of sex you’re having as a couple, if it’s always more of a duty than a desire, search your hearts – are there any unresolved issues?

Are there unexpressed or unmet expectations (these may be sexual or non-sexual in nature). Maybe you’re frustrated that there’s not enough foreplay, or that he doesn’t always seek to meet your needs outside of the bedroom?

It could also be an unequal mental and physical load in the sharing of responsibilities, this is one of the main drivers of resentment in most marriages.

Without addressing these underlying issues, you may never find passion in your bed that is born out of a love and desire for each other, you may simply settle for bursts of passion that is hormonally motivated.

2. A wrong mindset

Previous sexual rejection could also be the cause of resentment that leads to passionless sex, and people knowingly or unknowingly reject their spouse because of a wrong mindset.

When couples are not adequately prepared and taught the right mindsets towards sex, it easily becomes a self seeking venture more than act done in expression of love. So “if I don’t feel like it, I say no, regardless of how my spouse feels, sex is not food, he’d live.” “I have to pursue my happiness”etc.

If you can only just imagine for a minute how you would truly feel if at the height of your desire, your spouse says no, and for no good reason – just that they are not in the mood. How would you feel? That should make you reconsider.

Another wrong mindset that leads to hurts and lack of passion in love making is the “if I want it, I just take it, regardless of how she feels, so I just flip her over and penetrate”. Ha! (I teach couples in our premarital counseling class that you should never ever penetrate or try to penetrate an unlubricated or poorly lubricated vagina, at that point your penis is good for only one thing – to get her wet!, but that’s just by the way)

If you don’t care to see that your spouse truly enjoys the experience, by working with her to deal with anything hindering her enjoyment, this builds resentment in her and affects the passion in your sex life because you only care about satisfying yourself.

These are just two of the wrong mindsets that prevents couple from having passionate sex and at HOLY HEAT, we’d dispel ALL these hidden mentalities.

Sex is for both of you and you must work together to make it a pleasurable experience for each other.

3. Ignorance.

Sex is natural, but great passionate sex is a learned skill. If you want to get better at it, you must learn the techniques that will make it passionate and breath taking.

A man must learn how to please his wife just as a woman learns how to please her husband. And you must also be open enough to teach each other what drives you wild in bed.

The problem is many of us act too timid and are sometimes shy to communicate what we want to explore or what we have explored and find deeply satisfying.

This is your spouse, the one person you have chosen to be 100% vulnerable with, so be vulnerable! Use your words and your hands to describe and create the experience you want.

Be bold and audacious in creating the passionate lovemaking you want and turning your fantasies into reality.

Stop waiting for passionate sex to happen, start making it happen by learning how to make it happen and teaching each other!

4. Busyness

Quickies are great but they should be treated like the fast food of your sex life – a yummy treat every now and then, while intense, intimate, passionate lovemaking is the healthy option that your relationship needs regularly to thrive.

The frequency is up to you and your spouse but if good sex isn’t happening at least once in a week and there are no medical or distance issues, it’s an orange flag and worth looking into. Why are you too busy for the most important human in your life?

Your spouse is your priority after God, and here’s one thing I’ve learned, the discipline it requires to pursue intimacy with God is the same discipline it requires to lovingly pursue your spouse. If you’re waiting to feel like it, to pursue God or your spouse intimately, you’re wrong.

On Saturday, March 8th, I hosted an intimate webinar for couples tagged Holy Heat where we:

• Corrected the mentalities that hinder passionate sex for both husbands and wives. (We dealt with roots so we can eat the fruits 🍌 🍑 literally 😂)
• Built habits for regular intense love making. (If sex is happening less frequently than you desire or it’s mostly routine and ordinary, you’d learn the simple habits that create more 🔥🔥🔥sex!)
• Learned to reach orgasm 🤯 and dispelling orgasm myths. (I have had an orgasm 98% of the times we’ve made love, the 2% are the times when I don’t want to reach an orgasm, maybe because I’m very tired so I’m content with just satisfying him. And because I reach and enjoy orgasm, I look forward to love making, it satisfies me too!)
• And so much more detailed exploration of passionate love making.

This is your chance to learn the practical ways to build a passionate sex life, the kind you imagined having when you were single and looking forward to sex. WATCH THE REPLAY here.

I’ve learned by experience that I’m gifted in helping good marriages become great, so please don’t wait until “poor, wishy washy love making” degenerates into “no love making” leading to “are we even married?”. By that time, you’d be out of my help zone. So let me help you now to improve on what you have and make it extraordinary! Here’s the link to register again.

With Christ’s exotic love

Mrs Omoghene.

P.S : Did any of these points resonate with you? Please share with me here or on the group 😉