Just like everyone else, I was shocked and heartbroken by the news of the killing of this vibrant minstrel of God, by no one else but her own husband, the one person whose duty it is to love her.
After having vented a lot, I decided there’s no point crying over spilled milk, let’s help other young ladies make better choices that can save their lives and enhance their destiny.
You’ve been told severally not to marry an abusive person, but of course, no one will tell you outrightly that they are abusive, so how can you recognize them before you get in too deep?
They typically exhibit one or more of these behaviors:
1) Over compensate for poor character with gifts 🎁
This is one hallmark that you shouldn’t miss. Rather than taking responsibility to work on their character, an abusive person will buy your affection and seek to gain control over you with gifts. Any person that treats you poorly then seeks to win your heart with a gift, and does that over and again is a person you should stay away from.
Remorse and repentance ( that is changed behavior) is the only thing you should accept from a potential spouse.
In my little life, I’ve learnt by experience that people who immediately lavish gifts on you without an established relationship with you or when things go wrong, want something from you more than they seek to express their love for you.
2) Excessively monitors you even though you’ve shown that you’re trustworthy:
An insecure person who refuses to work on his insecurity and self esteem will always take it out on others.
Before I got married, there was a man who showed an interest in me and there was a day when he called me severally and I didn’t pick up because I was asleep. By the time he saw me, he just went overboard, asking me in a controlling manner why I didn’t pick his call. I knew right then and there that there could be nothing between us and I expressed it unapologetically.
Never mistake control for concern, they are two distinct traits. Control is exercised forcibly, concern is expressed kindly.
3) Treats others poorly but you nicely:
A godly person shouldn’t be selectively good. Our Father causes his sun to shine on both good and evil people.
Kindness is a character that if you possess, you will express, irrespective of who you’re dealing with.
So beware of a person who is verbally abusive to others and claims it’s because of “them”. Eventually you will become “one of them”.
4) Demands the proof of your love:
This is another common one. This person continually demands that you prove your love, without you being involved in things that makes them doubt your sincerity in the first place.
If you continually have to bend over backwards to show you love him, and the focus is always on you, he has issues he needs to deal with on his own. Even if he doesn’t appear to be abusive now, eventually, when you tire of bending over backwards (which you would in no time at all), he will resort to verbal and emotional abuse, if not physical, to get your attention.
You cannot heal anyone, even if they’ve been hurt badly, take that responsibility off yourself. Healing of the soul and wholeness of heart can only be found in Jesus and each person has to take personal responsibility to seek Him for their healing.
5) You don’t know what is true or false:
Of course, an abusive person will always lie to cover up their own wrong doing. If you cannot differentiate between the truth and a lie in your dealings with them, you should not remain in the relationship. Marriage changes nothing, it just magnifies the truth, and most chronic liars will turn verbally abusive, and turn the tables against you, just to cover up a lie.
6) Does not support your interests:
A person who supports your interest will be right there pursuing it with you. They will ask questions about it, generate ideas for you, make recommendations and seek assistance for you even if they cannot provide it themselves. It will be clear, it’s important to him because it’s important to you.
If you see no EVIDENCE of support for your interest, not just word of mouth accepting those interests, but actively supporting it, be cautious, they have no interest in adding to you, they just want you for their personal benefit, even if that benefit is just to say “I’m married”. And selfishness is the foundation of abuse!
7) Finds it difficult to celebrate your achievements:
No excitement when you get a big win? Nope, they don’t love you, they are probably jealous and only seek what is beneficial to them personally. Run!
Downplaying your achievements, however little or big it is, shows how little he thinks of you and how little he expects of you. So when you try to reach higher, he will pull you down by verbal and if possible physical abuse.
If any or all of these red flags are present in your relationship, break up! A broken courtship is much easier than you trying to find out whether divorce is applicable. No one questions a broken courtship. Losing what you’ve invested in the relationship, is much better than losing your life!
Until next week,😎
With all my love❤️