October 1st was our 5th wedding anniversary and we spent it in the most unexpected way – Apart!
I was in the hospital (for a couple of days) with our first daughter, while my husband was at home with the little baby. It was an extremely stressful day to say the least, but I’m deeply grateful to God that it didn’t become a day of sorrow. I am grateful our daughter had a miraculous recovery. I am grateful I have a strong partner in my husband and that we pulled through.
Growing up, I used to hear this proverb :”ile oko, ile eko”(marriage is a place to learn). Of course, it didn’t become real to me until I got married. In these first five years of our marriage, my husband and I have learnt and are learning certain things, and our character is continually being refined by this godly institution called marriage.
Today, we would like to share with you our most prominent lessons in recent times.
Mr O’s lessons:
- Acceptance: I have learnt that marriage is the total acceptance of the being and personality of your partner. This includes all ‘imperfections’. Although he or she may make efforts to change, don’t expect it to happen in an instant.
Change is a process, never expect it to happen in an instant!
- Sacrifice: Letting go of self including personal gratifications in order to achieve mutual satisfaction.
- The need to forgive and forget: Yes there may be offenses, disagreement or misunderstandings. It’s important to acknowledge the right or wrong party in that situation or circumstance and reconcile afterwards.
- Communication: Although still a work in progress for me, it’s an art we are constantly learning and practicing. Always say something about anything that involves your shared interest. (Because if he doesn’t say something, I will not let him rest😂).
- Learning to overlook somethings ( acts or behavior) as trivial: It just saves from unnecessary heartache and arguments.
- Always step up to defend your spouse: especially publicly and before inlaws whether right or wrong. Correction may follow in private but not in a demeaning manner.
Mrs O’s lessons:
- Acceptance: to be more accepting of him and all that pertains to him. (Considering we wrote this without consulting each other, I’m guessing the past year was really about learning ACCEPTANCE for us).
Of course, in the courtship and maybe early days of marriage, we only see the best in our spouses. The way they think, behave and virtually every thing about them appeals to us.
This doesn’t necessarily change after marriage, it’s just that the humdrum of life, work, parenting, in laws, social circles etc. have the tendency to bring out other parts of our spouse that we have never experienced or were oblivious to (even if you had an everlasting courtship like ours😂) or maybe only saw the good side of.
So even when I’m praying for improvement concerning something, I still have an attitude that says “I accept you”. We are all a work in progress, all of us without exception, and marriage gives you that front row seat to your spouse’s imperfections. To love is to accept that our spouse isn’t above errors, even the errors that hurt deeply. When we accept, we can easily forgive.
To love is to accept that our spouse isn’t above errors, even the errors that hurt deeply!
- Communicate: of course this is still a work in progress, but I am getting better at it. I am learning to seek clarity over and again until it is clear we are both on the same page. I am learning to accept and in fact even listen for corrections, because when he corrects something, I now see it, not as condemnation or rejection, but as an expose to his heart and how better to make him feel loved. I am also learning to express my full feelings (many issues in the past year were delicate) trusting that my husband is basically good intentioned and sincerely prioritizes our union.
So, I’m learning everyday to accept that we are and always will be fundamentally different as male and female. Not to mention raised in different ways, under different circumstances, with different exposures etc. I do not agree with him on everything, but I can be accepting of him. I can respect his freedom to have a different perspective or act a different way and I can communicate my disagreement with respect, while still being accepting of him. This is not an easy lesson to master nor an easy attitude to cultivate, but I am committed to doing so, because I love my husband and I am committed to making our marriage work.
Happy anniversary again my love, cheers to forever🍷.
Until next week,😎
With all my love❤️