One of the biggest lessons I learnt during my single years was this – I can decide who to have feelings for.
You see for me this was huge, because having fed my mind constantly with romance novels, and movies, I was used to the idea that having feelings for someone that you just can’t help is normal. (We all know that “strong” attraction that doesn’t seem to go away even when the facts about the person or the situation don’t add up😔).
This was cool, until about 3 years into my relationship when I “developed” an attraction towards another guy. I didn’t know how to handle it. I broke up with my boyfriend because even though I knew he was a great guy, I couldn’t be with him when my affections were with someone else. I didn’t know how to live a double life. I’m glad I still don’t. I hope you don’t too😊.
It was a period of heartache for me. The guy I had feelings for was determined not to be in a relationship with me, because he knew I was in a serious relationship before we met and he felt he was “snatching” me (today I’m grateful for his nobility because it gave me a chance to learn this life changing lesson and the opportunity to be truly happily married to the love of my life).
At that time, I was just lost in between two great guys and losing out because I thought I couldn’t control how I felt, or rather because I allowed my feelings to stray away from my commitment.
It took me about a year and half of regrettable pain that I caused my boyfriend for me to learn the hard truth – I have the power to choose who I love. My feelings do not hold the control, I, my will, does. When I allow my will to lead, my feelings will follow. And they have been following for the past seven years.
The only great thing that came out of this experience (of falling for someone else) was that lesson, which I am doubly glad I learned before I got married.
Yes your feelings matter, but if you’d be honest with yourself,you’d admit that feelings come and feelings go. They are like waves, you can’t build on them.
Yes, you should be attracted to the person you eventually get married to, but guess what will sustain the attraction when the daily grind of married life becomes exhausting – the facts about his/her character.
A lifelong decision such as marriage should never be based on feelings or “emotional connection” alone.
And more importantly, don’t forget: You control your feelings. You decide who to have feelings for!
But how do you really control your feelings so they don’t lead you into the wrong relationship or so that you don’t end up cheating (emotionally) on your boyfriend/spouse?
I’d talk about this in my next blog post. Follow this blog now so you will be notified immediately it drops.
Until next week 😎
With all my love❤️
PS: In case you’re here often reading my posts but not posting a comment or following, I see you😐, lol no I don’t 😂, please say “hi” at least, let me know I’m not writing for nobody😂.
P.P.S: A big thank you to all those who regularly like, comment, share. You make it make sense!
P.P.P.S: for my dear husband, I know you’d eventually read this post when you get a chance, thanks again for fighting for our love!❤️
10 thoughts on “Before I got married…”
Hey Mrs O, I liked the oomph in your post! In college, one of my teachers told me, it doesn’t matter whether you feel like doing something or not, if it needs to be done, it has to be done! So I can understand what you mean by feelings needing to follow your will. I wonder what Mr O feels about that time of heartache in your lives, now when he looks back at it?
Hi. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Hmmm that’s a great question and I did ask him about it. He’s a man of few words ( married to a writer lol), but he did say it’s not something he considers anymore. Why look at the past when there’s a whole future to work towards? ( and we’re talking about 7-8 years ago). Of course after that issue then, we analyzed what made that happen on both sides and reorganized our priorities to prevent such ( I’d be sharing some of these in my next post). I also had to be consistent in character to earn back his trust, his love however was constant and has remained so.
I just realized that this is not a lesson u ever stop learning, i thought i had learned it in the past when the attraction in question was to someone that had some things that weren’t adding up but now that i had to relearn it concerning someone that everything seems great with… Makes me wonder how many more times I’m going to have to remind myself of this lesson.
You think maybe u could write about how your husband dealt with the pain and stayed committed to u even after u broke up with him?
Wow. Thank you for your amazingly honest reply. Like I responded to the last question, I did ask him about it again last night ( we haven’t talked about it in years) and he said it’s not something that comes to his mind anymore so it’s hard to rehash the feelings of that time. But in my next post, I will talk more about how we dealt with it and made decisions that will prevent a reoccurrence and I will do my best to share some of what he told me during that time. Thank you again for such a honest response. It really is something everyone should actively work on, it’s when we think we are bigger than it that we fall. Absolutely no one is bigger than temptation, the smarter way is to stay watching and praying like Jesus said . Mathew 26:41 , Mark 14:38.
From the little I’ve read, I can tell that I like you. Keep inspiring people to make good, wise decisions.
Thank you so much. God bless you.
Aww! This piece is inspiring.
But mehnn, I doff my hat for Mr Omoghene. He is truly the man you’re meant to be with.
Thanks for sharing ❤️
Hey sis. Thanks for the sweet comment. He is a great man! I know it!
.. So I read your post. Well our stories makes what we have now more precious and foretells an exciting future..I love you. Segue; You write so beautifully.
Babyyyyyyy thank you! I love you💋